A Letter From My Father
Below is an email my sister and I received from my father.
In his own words and straight from the heart, my father has remembered and honored not just his mother but all the mothers in the world for the sacrifices they make, their unspoken ambitions for their children and the rebuffs they silently swallow.
His moving narrative rang so true for me; I just had to share it with all of you.
Way back in the late 50’s and early 60′s I was studying in class VI in Bishops Pune. My father, an army officer, was then out in field, in Poonch or Rajauri. I, my mom and my little sister were staying as a joint family with my cousins. My mom, in her wisdom signed me in as a boarder. I was quite upset and angry about it, not being able to stay and have fun with my cousins. In hind sight now I realize that possibly she wanted me to become different and not be influenced by the narrow middle class outlook as she understood it. Something like obtaining some “Class” as it was termed back then. With her lower middle class back ground, her ideas of a successful life and her experience of life at that point of time, she was probably very right to do so.
In my anger, I refused to go home on the first week end on out pass and so on the second and third. The school was slowly instilling in me the so called “pukka sahib” attitudes : I do not want any favors, I will live and eat like my compatriots ! From chota hazri on wake up, to dressing for dinner with chanting of grace . Football and hockey on week days and cricket on week ends with jugs of orange squash. Study periods in the evenings.
On the last Saturday of the month, it was raining very heavily and all of us boarders were having a mug of hot chai, sitting under the banyan trees, trying to make out the setting sun. In the foggy rain I saw my mother and little sis materialize at the gates drenched to the core. My mother implored me – nay begged me to come home. “Ajay please come home, look I have come in the rain with your little sister: both of us are so wet”. I replied with an emphatic no, saying “I am a boarder now and it is beneath my dignity to come home on weekends. I shall only do so when school closes for the monsoon break as my other friends will do. You make me ashamed by coming here like this to take me home. So what if you are in Poona, others don’t have their moms here. As a matter of fact I think even if they did, they wont go home on weekends unless its holiday for every one of us. Thank you. Please GO.”
I realize now how deep a hurt I must have inflicted on her then. But in her subconscious mind, she knew she was making my wings stronger, which she certainly did, judging by the large and small successes I achieved in my life time. Thereafter my mother and I did not get along much, probably because of the gulf that opened up in our thinking — she being restricted by the myriads of traditional and old mindsets and me by my new found freedom and independence ; independence to spread my wings and soar. Even the sky was not a limit for me then.
She is long dead and gone as I remember her today. I remember she gave me very strong roots and wings…. In fact, such strong wings that they finally took me beyond her realms of understanding. I remember she tried to reach out to me in various ways but her leap always fell far short. I think her leap falling short was her greatest success, her greatest contribution to my life.
As I stand over her memories this day, I tell my daughters ”The greatest gift we can give our children is strong roots and wings so strong, that even our longest leap should always fall far short when we reach out to them. In time our children will always reach back out to us with love and understanding, so what if this happens when we are long gone in the mists of time. See my mother and your grandma? God bless her where ever she is.”
If your mothers are alive today, reach out to them this one day. Without pride, prejudice or annoyance. Reach out to mom because her leap towards you will always fall short. Possibly she cannot reach you anymore now. The wings she gave you are too strong and your flight too long. Reach out to her with a hug and a kiss and say I love you. This little hug will boost her leap to reach you and make your roots and wings even stronger, for that is a mothers love for her children.
A grateful son.
[Lt.Col Ajay Ukidve is a retired army officer. Having served in the Signals Corps, his interests lie in the field of communication, electronics and information systems. He currently resides in Pune and runs his own HR consulting firm. An avid photographer, he has traveled extensively across East Africa, South East Asia and also India to capture the lives and cultures of people from different backgrounds. His passion for culinary arts led him to study hotel management and subsequently train at the Taj Pune. His hobbies include painting and playing musical instruments. He can be contacted at ajayukidve@gmail.com]
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