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ll, hope ‘All izz well’ with you. After the dhamaka success of his very 95% ‘original’ phillum, proud pappa of the idiots, Lajju Hilani sits with our correspondent at large and the latest author of INDImag  Manorama Ukidve(Mano) to share his thoughts on the making of the 3-Idiots.

Without much ado, here is Lajju Hilani in his own words :

Mano : ‘Aal izz Well’ Hirani ji, What was your inspiration for that catch phrase and the song ?

Hilani : “Rub a dub dub 3 idiots naked in a tub” . Err, It’s not a tub, it’s actually 3 different barrels ; you see,  whatever else I was inspired by, it wasn’t homosexuality.

Mano : Tell us about your characters and how you went about choosing the casting process ..

Hilani : Half the movie’s budget went in making the heros’ look half their age. But it was worth it and as predicted 3i has become the rage.

To iron out wrinkles – a roadroller over his face followed by a lawnmover over his head, gave Aamir his gurkha look, plus of course the weight he shed.

And though we had him started out as a dhokla-eating-gujju, Aamir kind of changed the script…and now I have Javed Jafferi hot on my

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heels…suing me for a cameo so nondescript. But.., ‘All izz well’..

Mano : How was Madhavan to work with ?

Hilani : Madhavan begged to be Ramaswamy Iyyer– but I challanged him to do the Farhan bit..

At least am proud of the fact that he added to the definition of the word “misfit”..! Mis-fit reminds me that his liposuction bills are due. Don’t want history repeating itself….  a la Bipasha Basu.

Mano : Sharman & Kareen ..

Sharman Joshi - An Idiot

Hilani : Sharman was awesome ! Really. He did not need any acting workshop to pull of his role. In fact he was so good, some unit guys almost gave him a tin bowl.

The rest of Sharman’s family is shown in sepia tones which signifies they are buried to the neck in student loans. Add to that, giving Kareena competition, are his old man’s bones — and that my dear in Bollywood establishes the poverty zones.

Talking of Kareena, to make her appear convincing as a doc was a task herculean !

How was I to know that, like her size, her IQ too would be boolean too !!!

Mano : <chuckling>What was your inspiration/thought behind the crazy Sahasrabuddhe ?

Hilani : It’s not Viru Sahasrabuddhe’s fault that his character is confused ; his script got blurred during dry cleaning. Else he would have definitely given “stiff”,”upper lip” and “konkasnastha Brahmin” a whole new meaning.

Boman is really is my favorite man and can play any character with ease,  but his make up man is to be blamed if he’s come out looking like an ageing Charlie Chaplin suffering from some undescribable disease.

<lost in thought>

Boman 'Virus' Irani

How 2 sikhnis were born in the house of Sahasrabuddhe is what struck me in retrospect..

Hhmmm…too bad I could have shown Virus killing off the infidel mother….with the dean of course as prime suspect – sikh dean <winks> ! But that would have been too predictable and am a man who never lacks an ‘original’ story idea ; Unlike some ‘Indian authors’ who suffer from publicity diarrhea…

Mano : Ahem !, Any words for SRK and Farah Khan ?

Hilani : My Aamir has answered SRK’s show of 6 packs with a show of BOTOX, If that does not silence SRK and Farah Khan, the rest of my supporting cast is ready with their buttox..

Buttocks. Now what do I tell you of my passion for the backside- it’s too glorious to be hidden, but thanks to the censor board, we had to invest in whole sale VIP undies — coz free show was forbidden !

Woh bole “Andar ki baat ko Andar hi rehne do..
Ek VIP ke saath ek cotton “tauliya” muft lo…”

Both came in handy as you know, during the ‘Aal iz Well’ song shoot.

Finally,  I have found a replacement for the ‘Get well Soon’ bhoot. From now on it will be ‘Aal izz Well’ .

Mano : Looks like you enjoyed looking ‘back’ . What else inspires your writing ?

Hilani : My second passion if you haven’t guessed it yet; is filming of loos — front shot,side shot, maybe if I am lucky, some aerial views! So great was my obsession that I took a panga that could have incurred the Indian public’s ire — I almost dared to flush down the toilet, holy ashes from a funeral pyre !! Baap re baap..

See ..am a man who practices Gundagiri and Gandhigiri in equal measure ; a-and all drains lead to Ganga anyway na ..

But sometimes, I also come under great pressure ; then, I scrouge around the internet for some jokes, err ‘inspiration’ and stuff up cotton in my ears least the feeling passes.

Of course Abhijat (Joshi) is always there with a bright idea or two ..I believe in err…giving credit where credit is due. It was his input to show Maddy taking shots of the pups in a manner oh so painstaking that the public will no doubt put 2 and 2 together and say voila!! that’s a ‘WildLife Photographer’ in the making!!

Anyways, I am geting carried away.. must not forget the smaller shrimps in my zest; like Millimeter, Centimeter and the man on whose underpants the whole of United States seems to rest…

…get this : Disclaimer — this was a work of pure comical fiction..; no offesnse to anyone dead or alive was intended…
digests well when taken with a sack of ‘Aal izz Well’ Hilani saalt

Mano : Enlightening Mr. Hirani, so what is the essence of ’3-Idiots’ ?

Hilani : As always my movie has an underlying message for all :  ”Passion when combined with Applied Sciences leads to Excellence” . It is  by watching my movie (and not reading from a ‘something something book’) you can apply Engineering to your day to day life..

and WAIT !  THERE”S MORE….by using my magic mantra AAL IZ WELL, you can even perform deliveries of live human babies on ping pong tables. (Just don’t forget to smack that baby‘s BUTT !!)

JAI HO ! (In the hope of an Oscar ! That’s the only awards show Aamir attends you see )

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